


Admit It Man, She's an Angle!

by angelsandbrowncoats



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Ed x Lee but not as an actual ship, F/M, M/M, and make it better, bc that's what i'm here to do, both of heteronormativity and bc i need sleep, i am also really tired can you tell?, i tagged it bc they technically have a scene together, i'm just too lazy to do them properly, in fact it's a fix-it for 4x17 bc that was nonsense, in which i explain away all the bs from tonight's episode, includes the Ed x Lee kiss but supports Ed and Lee as friends not lovers, not bc this is about them, oh yeah lee is a badass do not disrespect the queen of the narrows in MY household, people who are here for ed x lee don't interact, tagging changed to avoid confusion, the fic has better grammer/writing than the tags i promise, this is a nygmobblepot story okay, this is more or less canon compliant (bc I winged the scene between ed and lee)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-06
Updated: 2018-04-06
Packaged: 2019-04-19 03:18:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14227995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelsandbrowncoats/pseuds/angelsandbrowncoats
Summary: The least heterosexual explanation I could come up with for 4x17.





	Admit It Man, She's an Angle!

**Author's Note:**

> Apologies for how rushed this is.
> 
> Also, yeah, the title is a Pride & Prejudice pun. I'm too tired to know if I got the line right or not, but I hope I did. I also realize it doesn't quite make sense, but honestly I couldn't care less. Lee kissing Ed doesn't make sense either, so...

“This is ridiculous!” Oswald huffed for the fourth time in the last twenty minutes. Martin raised his notepad.

 

“I thought you said,” Oswald squinted to read it better, “That you didn’t care. That’s right! I don’t care. I just think he’s being… hasty. As a friend. It was always a problem of his, you know. Jumping into things headfirst. It’s gotten him into trouble more often than not.”

 

Martin nodded, returning to his pancakes as Oswald continued silently fuming. If he was going to be stubborn about it, there was nothing else Martin could do. Unless…

 

He quickly scribbled out a new message.

 

“Riddler offered to take me out for ice cream again. Can I go?” Oswald read, “Can you _what now?_ ”

 

_Get ice cream with Riddler._

“By yourself?”

 

_You can drop me off and wait until he’s there if you like._

“I – well, fine,” Oswald crossed his arms, “He’s my friend, and I trust him, so I suppose it would be counterproductive to fight him over this. But he had better bring you home without a scratch!”

 

_I’ll be safe, don’t worry._

 

Oswald sighed, reaching out to lay a hand on Martin’s arm, “I’m going to worry regardless. You should know that by now.”

 

~                             ~                          ~

 

“ _Ed?!_ ” Jim asked, “Ed _Nygma_?”

 

“The very same,” Harvey nodded.

 

“What’s she playing at?”

 

“Beats me,” he shrugged, “But I saw it with my own two eyes. Wish I hadn’t, to tell you the truth. They were up there giggling and whispering, couldn’t seem to keep their hands off each other – “

 

“Thanks, Harv, I get the picture.”

 

“Oh, right.”

 

“So you think it’s real?” he asked. Harvey shrugged, “Looked real to me.”

 

“I can’t believe it. I don’t believe it. I’m gonna go down there and talk to her.”

 

“I dunno if that’s a great idea, Jim,” Harvey shook his head, “I don’t think either of them would be much pleased to see you.”

 

“I don’t care, Lee clearly needs someone to talk sense into her, and if I’m the only one willing to do it, then so be it.”

 

Harvey watched his partner’s retreating back with a heavy sigh before grabbing his coat and following suit. Why he trusted this dumbass was beyond him.

 

~                             ~                          ~

 

“What does it say?” Lee peered over his shoulder at the note to read it.

 

_I am cold but still soft,_

_I will attack your brain,_

_Death is my companion,_

_I scream, but not in pain._

“Someone sent the Riddler a riddle?” Lee mused with a knowing smile, “I wonder who that could be…”

 

“It’s Martin,” Edward immediately replied.

 

“…Who?” Lee raised an eyebrow.

 

“Martin. He’s Oswald’s… something.”

 

“Oswald’s _something_?” Lee blinked, “Is he – is he threatening you?”

 

“No,” Edward shook his head quickly, still frowning at the piece of paper, “I think he’s inviting me out for ice cream.”

 

“What?”

 

“That’s the answer to the riddle. Ice cream. I’m assuming he means the same place I took him after I rescued him, but I don’t – “

 

“Wait, hold on,” Lee held up a hand, “You took Oswald’s significant other out for ice cream?”

 

“Significant - ? No! Martin is a kid. He’s Oswald’s kid.”

 

“Penguin has a child?!”

 

“Sort of? He picked him up at the orphanage, I think,” Edward explained, mind still on the note, “But _when_ does he want to meet me? There must be a clue…”

 

“The first letter of each line is underlined,” Lee pointed out. Edward slapped a hand across his forehead, “Of course! Let’s see, if we assume that the ‘I’s are roman numerals, but the ‘D’ stands for days, because that’s more logical than one giant number, then I suppose he means to say in two days at one o’clock? Afternoon, I’m sure. Oswald would never let him go traipsing about the city with me at one in the morning.”

 

“Of course,” Lee nodded, although her own faith in Oswald was significantly more shakable, “Will you go?”

 

“Why not? I confess, I’m intrigued to know more about the boy who could get Oswald to forsake his hatred of children, and from what I saw of him earlier he truly is something.”

 

“And what if you see Oswald there?”

 

Edward swallowed, “Why should – why should that be such a problem?”

 

“Ed…”

 

“I’ll be ready, don’t worry.”

 

“Good.”

 

~                             ~                          ~

 

He saw him almost as soon as he turned the corner, sitting right in front of the large window of the ice cream parlor like a god among men. Edward grew very conscious of his own sparkling green suit as he saw the stately fur coat the Penguin was sporting. He looked… fantastic. Royal. This was going to be so much harder than he’d originally thought.

 

Beside him, quite literally under his ‘wing’, was Martin, looking longingly at the ice cream counter while Oswald’s eyes were fixed on the door. Edward had a feeling Oswald had already seen him coming.

 

He swallowed down his anxiety as he reached the place, knowing this might be his only chance in a long time, and carefully pushed the door open. His smile was blindingly bright as he turned to the two, opening his arms wide as he exclaimed, “Martin! Oswald! It’s so good to see you!”

 

Martin smiled up at him, but Oswald’s grin was more of a grimace, his lips pursed too tightly to be casual. Edward felt the bottom drop out of his stomach. That wasn’t a great sign.

 

“Martin, why don’t you go pick something out to eat,” he suggested, and the boy nodded hastily, running to the counter. Edward turned to Oswald who had stood up as well, “Oswald, I - .”

 

“Thank you for inviting him out, Ed. Look after him.”

 

“Oswald,” Edward said again, not sure where he had gone wrong as Oswald was already half-way out the door, “Wait!”

 

“What?” Oswald sighed, turning towards him.

 

“I was just wondering, um, how are you doing?”

 

“I’m doing fine,” Oswald replied shortly.

 

“And – and Jerome? Is he still staying with you?”

 

“No,” Oswald said, “He just wanted some money from me, mostly. I’m less than interested in actively involving myself in his scheming.”

 

“Oh, that’s, that’s good,” Edward nodded, “I, um,”

 

“Goodbye, Ed,” Oswald said rather sharply, “Make sure he’s back before dinner.”

 

“Of course,” Edward deflated, knowing his chance had passed, “He’s in good hands.”

 

“I’m sure.”

 

Edward stood watching the spot that Oswald had left for far too long before going to pick out some ice cream for himself. Once he had received his three scoops of mint chocolate chip, he slid into the booth across from Martin.

 

“So, you lied to Oswald, huh?”

 

Martin raised an eyebrow.

 

“Told him _I_ invited _you_ , and not the other way around?”

 

Martin shrugged, before sliding a note across to him.

 

_I wanted to talk to you._

 

“Thank you, Martin, that much was obvious.”

 

Martin frowned at him, and he realized that he was probably supposed to be nicer to children.

 

“What did you want to talk to me about?” he tried again.

 

_Leslie Thompkins._

 

Edward nearly choked on his ice cream, “What about her?”

 

_What’s your angle?_

 

“My angle?”

 

_I may be ten, but I’m mute not an idiot._

“I didn’t say you were.”

 

_And yet anyone with half a mind could see you don’t love her. So. Angle._

“I, uh, Martin, is this really any of your concern?”

 

_If it involves Oswald, it’s my concern. And I think it does._

“Why – why would you think that?” he cursed his voice for going unnaturally high.

 

_Well, first of all, it’s bothered Oswald a lot._

“Well,” Edward said. It had?

 

_And second of all, I was there when you two came to pick me up from the safe house, remember?_

 

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

 

_You aren’t subtle. The only thing more obvious than your love for him is his love for you._

“He doesn’t – I don’t – What would you know about it, you’re only ten!”

 

_And yet_ I _could see what_ you _can’t_. _Says more about you than me, I think._

 

“Alright, so maybe I do have – have _feelings_ for him. I don’t see what that has to do with anything. Did you see how he acted towards me just now? Clearly he no longer likes me.”

 

Martin rolled his eyes.

 

_He’s jealous. Duh._

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Edward pouted at his ice cream, “Why would he be jealous?”

 

_Because he just sacrificed his revenge for you and then you turned around and kissed someone else?_

“That’s – it’s not – he’s the one who didn’t – ugh! You’re wrong, okay? You’re just wrong.”

 

_Kissing is disgusting, by the way._

 

Edward gave a half laugh, but his heart was too heavy to get into it fully. He really was hopeless…

 

~                             ~                          ~

 

“Lee!”

 

“Oh, great, just what I needed. A headache,” Lee leaned back in her chair, boots resting on the desk as she waited for Jim to follow his voice. She didn’t have to wait long before he came barging in, a much more reluctant Harvey trailing in his wake.

 

“Lee! What do you think you’re doing?!”

 

“…running the Narrows?”

 

Jim frowned down at her, “I meant this business with Nygma.”

 

“What business with Ed?” She blinked, feigning innocence.

 

“The way you kissed him in front of that crowd? That speech you two gave together? What are you playing at?”

 

“What does my relationship to Ed have to do with you, detective?”

 

“Lee, come on. We both know you wouldn’t fall for a madman like him.”

 

“You didn’t answer my question, Jim: How is this any of your business?”

 

“I,” he stammered, “I just want to make sure that, uh, that…”

 

“Fascinating,” she said, “Actually, it’s fortuitous that you should drop by just now. I actually have a business proposition for you.”

 

“A what now?” Jim frowned, thrown off track.

 

“The Narrows could use a little more help from city hall, so to speak, and I’d like you to put in a good word for us.”

 

“And why would I do that?”

 

“Well,” Lee sighed, “If you do, I’ll sit here and listen to your _entire_ , ‘Ed is bad,’ rant without having you escorted off the premises. How does that sound?”

 

“That’s bri – “

 

“You’ll do it? Wonderful,” she smiled, leaning back again, “Now, where were you? Something about Ed being a madman? Do continue, I’m all ears…”

 

~                             ~                          ~

 

“How was your day with Ed?” Oswald asked Martin as soon as the boy had stepped back from their hug.

 

_Great! His riddles are so much fun!_

“Well, I’m glad _someone_ enjoys them,” he told Martin, “Now why don’t you go get ready for dinner?”

 

_Okay. And Dad?_

Oswald felt himself getting choked up and forced himself not to cry while Edward was still in the room. Martin had only started calling him ‘Dad’ a few days ago, and it was still the most amazing thing.

 

“Yes?”

 

_Ed has something he’d like to say to you. Promise you’ll listen._

 

“Martin?” he frowned.

 

_Promise._

 

“Okay,” he said, wary now, “I promise.”

 

Martin smiled and ran up the stairs without another word. Oswald turned back to the glittering green man hovering in his doorway.

 

“Martin says you have something to tell me?”

 

Edward gasped, clearly not expected that, before he recovered himself, “Well, as a matter of fact, I do. I, well, um…”

 

“Yes?”

 

“Whydidn’tyoukissme?”

 

“Excuse me?” Oswald blinked, sure he must have misheard him. Edward blushed and looked at his feet, “At the docks. After you saved me. Why didn’t you – why didn’t you kiss me?”

 

“Ed?”

 

Edward didn’t answer, eyes locked on his shoes.

 

“Did you – did you want me to?”

 

“ _Obviously_ ,” he hissed, fists clenching as he dug his fingers into his palms.

 

Oswald blinked again, “Really? Since – since when?”

 

“Since always, Oswald. Every time you saved me, every time you looked at me like I was – like I was _important_. To you. I’ve tried everything! Presents, riddles, sacrifice, begging, _everything._ What do I have to do to get you to kiss me?”

 

This was… _not_ what Oswald had expected when Martin said Edward wanted to talk.

 

“You could have tried… asking?” he suggested, “But that doesn’t change the fact that you were seen _publicly_ groping Dr. Thompkins not four days ago! Do you expect me to be some sort of – of – of _sidepiece?!_ ”

 

“What? No, Oswald, I – that was,” he gulped, “That was Lee’s idea.”

 

“Oh, really? Because from what I heard, you didn’t look unwilling at all.”

 

“No! No, I was willing, I just,” Edward sighed, “It was her idea to pretend to be a couple.”

 

“What.”

 

“Let me explain,” he began. Oswald held up a hand, and he immediately cut himself off.

 

“Why don’t we sit down first. Then you can tell me your… tale.”

 

“Alright, well…”

 

~                             ~                          ~

 

“I know why you couldn’t say it,” Lee said, smiling, as she strode towards him out of the darkness. Edward looked up, eyes wide, “You – you do?”

 

She raised an eyebrow, and he cleared his throat, “I mean, that’s ridiculous. There’s no ‘reason’. I just refused to get on your childish level.”

 

“Oh really? It’s not because… you’re in love with me?”

 

Edward scoffed, “Maybe the old Ed was, but I’m the Riddler, and I certainly am not.”

 

“Oh really?” Lee continued walking towards him, hips swaying seductively, and she reached out towards his cheek –

 

Within moments he had a knife to her throat, “Really.”

 

“Well, well, well,” she hummed, “Do it then. Kill me.”

 

He hesitated. She was a good friend, a good ally. Killing her would serve no purpose, other than –

 

In his moment of hesitation, she twisted free, throwing the knife aside as she reached up to grab his face, pulling him down into a kiss. Confused, he began to kiss back until he understood what was going on. As soon as it hit him, he pushed her away.

 

“Oh dear.”

 

“I was right, wasn’t I?” she asked. He frowned, “Not remotely. That was… dull, at best.”

 

She blinked, “What?”

 

“No, it’s just… I realized why I couldn’t say it.”

 

“You couldn’t admit that you love me?”

 

“No, I couldn’t say that to you because… I do love someone,” he gasped, taking a full step backward, “Oh dear. This is not good.”

 

“You love someone?” she asked.

 

“Yes, that’s what I just said.”

 

“Who – oh.”

 

“Oh? What oh?”

 

“It’s Penguin. You love Penguin.”

 

Edward hesitated again, and again his hesitation betrayed him, “Alright, fine! Yes, I love Oswald. But – I missed my chance with him. He hasn’t loved me in a long time, I think.”

 

Lee scoffed, “You do, do you?”

 

“What would you know about it? Clearly you have misplaced feelings for me, so…”

 

“Don’t be silly, Ed, I was trying to use you to manipulate Jim Gordon into doing me a favor. I can work with you, but you’re still the man who killed Kristen. I can’t forgive that.”

 

“Oh. You were… using me?”

 

“Yes. It would,” she paused, “Wait a minute. It might just work out for the both of us.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Next time I address the Narrows, stand by my side. Kiss me in front of the crowds. I’ll still be able to manipulate Jim, and _you_ can make Oswald jealous. It’s perfect!”

 

“If – if you say so…”

 

~                             ~                          ~

 

“You were… trying to make me jealous?” Oswald frowned.

 

“I thought that, I don’t know, maybe there was a part of you that still loved me. I’m sorry, that was pathetic of me, wasn’t it?”

 

“Well,” Oswald said, “You were wrong.”

 

“I know,” Edward hung his head, making to stand up.

 

“There isn’t a part of me that still loves you, because _all_ of me still loves you. For a genius, you really can be stupid, Ed.”

 

“You what?” he froze, halfway off the couch, and – oh – this was the same couch, wasn’t it?

 

“I love you, you idiot,” Oswald said, rolling his eyes as he pulled Edward back towards the couch, “And if you’ll just stick around long enough for me to try, I can see what I can do about giving you that kiss you seemed so desperate for earlier. How does that sound?”

 

Edward licked his lips as he watched Oswald’s move around his words, “That sounds – that sounds really great. Yeah. Really great.”

 

And it was.

 

…at least until Martin reappeared demanding dinner and refusing to communicate with either of them until they apologized for kissing where he could see.


End file.
